Creative Ways To Overcome A Crush

Postcard DarlingI love crushing on someone. People are so intriguing and inspiring that I always have at least one crush on the go, sometimes real life, sometimes online, occasionally celebrities and most often, fictional! I love the adventure of either getting to know someone new or wildly speculating about them. Some of my crushes are people I’d actually like to get to know and have some kind of relationship with, but most of them, I just want to daydream about at a safe distance.

Having a crush on someone should be enjoyable. However sometimes, a crush gets out of control, stops being fun and makes you act crazy. Whether it is unrequited, unrealistic, unhealthy or inappropriate, sometimes you just need to get that person out of your head. 

If, like me, you feel everything intensely and have a wild imagination, you might need a reality check and some creative relief! Here are some of my favourite methods of getting over a crush and moving forward with my one true beloved… myself! 

Write them a letter

If you are tempted to unleash your crazy onto your crush, even though your rational mind knows it would be oh… such a bad idea, then turn to the art of letter writing to get it out of your system and articulate all those feelings. Do not send it! Burn the letter and let it all go. If you aren’t the writing kind, say it out loud, but in a private safe space and then open a window to let some new fresh air in!

Write really bad love poetry or songs about them (and I mean really really bad!)

Ok, the first two are writing based, but I am a writer! Drain your heart of unresolved feelings of teen love type angst down your arm and out of your pen, pour it all out onto paper, get as melodramatic and as cliched as you can. Ideally you want to be able to read it back and laugh at yourself. Keep it to yourself, don’t share it. If you think you’ve accidentally created something good (which often happens when you’re not trying!), then go with it and move onto the next point…

Make them your muse and create something good 

If you are not yet at the stage when you can laugh at yourself (never underestimate the power and poignancy of pain induced by a crush), then maybe make them your muse. Beware producing work where the subject is obvious, unless you are ready to deal with that gracefully or you are Taylor Swift. I personally prefer to use my muses as prompts and often create work based on a number of them to protect both the innocent and the less-innocent!  

Dance it off

Dance is my solution to EVERYTHING! Dance like a crazy creature to happy music in your bedroom, go out with your friends and your cheesiest disco moves, do an interpretative dance to work through those feelings, shake it off, get gig-going and throw yourself into a mosh pit or wiggle seductively in front of the mirror to remind yourself how damn sexy you are. 

Give yourself a therapeutic forfeit for any bad habits 

If you have developed any bad habits, like say, checking their social media accounts twenty times a day, then stop it! If you slip, then have a forfeit you need to do every time to move you forward in a more positive way. It should be something you might enjoy and that will help you reset. I choose exercise (dancing or walking) as moving helps change up my energy and thought processes. 

Create some calligraphic word art to inspire or encourage you 

Grab some paper and pens, work on your calligraphy or bubble writing or put your typography and graphic design skills to work. Find yourself a quote that will make you feel strong, capable and pretty damn amazing, that will remind you of your priorities, and how you want to feel. I use lines from books, song lyrics, desired adjectives and random notes. Display it somewhere you’ll see it every day.  

Romance yourself with a mixtape or creative date.

Instead of spending your time being unhappy, anxious, obsessive, or whatever kind of nastiness you’ve accidentally manifested, dedicate your energy to romancing yourself. Whether you take yourself out on a creative date to recharge and get inspired or make yourself a mixtape or playlist of songs you love. Treat yourself. 

Draw a picture of yourself feeling happy after getting over your crush

This is about visualising your future self and all the extra fun you could have if you stopped infatuating! You can keep it focused on your goals or your feelings, it can be realistic or whimsical. You’ll soon start to see what gap you are trying to fill with your crush.    

Make a vision board of your great life

Similar to above, but for those of us that can’t draw for toffee! Start a collage or a Pinterest board of how you want life to look and feel. Be ambitious, daydreamy and aspire to greatness! 

Get creative with other people

Invest in other people, put the same effort into your friendships as you do your crushes. Connect with your friends, make new ones, meet up interesting people, go to creative classes, events, talks or workshops. There is a big wide world outside your head (and your heart). 


So I finally made that awkward Patreon video

Cassy Fry on Patreon - Weird Webcam Snapshot

I’ve stopped procrastinating and have finally made a proper video for my Patreon page (I am using the term proper fast and loose here). Patreon have gone and revamped the creator profile pages and they now look rather swish, and I thought it was time to up my game (slightly).

Here is a link to my new and improved page. It includes the aforementioned awkward video – six minutes of nervous giggling and unscripted Cassy chatter – which kinda captures my manic creativity, this might be a really good thing, or it could be very bad! I guess the proof will be in the pledges! 

I know I need to share this now – hence the blog post – but I’ll be cringing about it at the same time, while taking some solace in how shiny my hair looks! 

Also I know all the wordy things are backwards! I am working on very limited resources, both in terms of knowledge and equipment, so you’ll have to try to appreciate the DIY charm of it! I figure I’ll update it at some point in the not too near, but not too far distant future, to make it a bit slicker and quicker. 

Now that the video is done, I can get back to writing, which will feel so good. I’ll be hiding in my comfort zone tomorrow as a treat for getting this off my to do list!

Valentine Shopping Guide For Christian Grey (And Everyone Else Too Actually)


Alternative Sexy Gift GuideSo I saw a blogging opportunity to feature “a guide to becoming Christian Grey” (insert numerous horror face emojis here). Here is my own guide to becoming Christian Grey – don’t! 

But for some reason it then got me thinking, what valentine shopping advice would I give to Christian Grey? And actually it applies to anyone else who is looking for cheeky and sexy gifts they can give to their beloved or their dominant/submissive (no judgement here). However if you are looking for a present for your stalking victim, the greatest gift you can give them is to leave them alone.  

Present them with 50 Shaded Poems 

Ok, it will be pretty obvious to regular readers that this blog post is a thinly veiled, yet fun attempt to promote my work prior to Valentine’s! My reworking of Fifty Shades Of Grey into 50 blackout poems isn’t erotic, but it has been described as “cheeky and clever”, which are two qualities I find sexy and I just love giving and receiving books! You can see a preview and buy it here.   

Play them the piano or make them a playlist  

No one is all bad, so even Mr Grey has some admirable skills – he can play the piano. No need to rely on lavish gifts, creating a unique composition or giving a private concert is way more powerful. If you don’t have the musical abilities required to pull this off, then curate a playlist – you can make this romantic, amusing, spiritual or sexy as you want and according to the musical tastes of your lover. If you need some inspiration or just a sexy shopping soundtrack, here is a link to one of my playlists.

UglyBaby Shower Art

Shower them in bathroom art

Make sure your lover thinks of you every time they shower, give them a cheeky work of art from UglyBaby. Surely they’ll smile (or maybe smirk) when they remember you like the way they smell, that you think they are have perfect boobs, that you love their love handles, that you ordered them to follow their bliss or that you reminded them about that really sweet ride. For an even more personal touch, have a private joke encased in rubber

Adorn their altar with boobie candles

How cute are these? They come in different skin tones too. Sure to set chests ablaze!

Give them orgasmic reading 

The female orgasm is so enigmatic and complicated, so a woman that gets it or a man that respects it, is super hot. Fifty Shades may have got us all talking about sex, but if like me, you think the media missed the important part of the discussion, then my recommended reading is Betsy Blankenbaker’s Autobiography of an Orgasm (read my review here) and Autobiographies of Our Orgasms: Volume 1 (Volume 2 is coming soon and features a little creative something from me!).

QuoteCandles on Etsy

Play with them like a Goblin King

Don’t get me wrong, some fictional anti-heroes with somewhat dubious power relationships with younger women are fine by me!  Of course, in Labyrinth, there is no violence and while there is some dominant manipulation occurring, there is consent and a heroine who speaks up and takes control of her desires. So why not get inspiration from some of Jareth’s sexy lines, whisper into your lover’s ear “how you turn my world, you precious thing“, leave a voice message to tell them in “9 hours and 23 minutes, you’ll be mine” (and then for goodness sake be punctual!) or just click on one of those links to buy a gift featuring the quote.  

Show them you believe in radical possibilities 

…by buying them a riot grrl badge stating “I believe in the radical possibilities of pleasure babe” and doing some active listening to Bikini Kill. 

Enjoy your shopping and your seductions x

This post includes some affiliate links and shameless self promotion, read my disclaimer for details and be assured I only share stuff I think is amazing. 

Girl With A Pin: BUT IS IT ART?

TooltipTextTooltipTextSite Specific Badge

Artist Dan Thompson says “every project needs a badge”, I agree completely of course, but you’re more likely to hear me say “every outfit needs a badge”. Today I am combining my love of art and badges, with a site specific badge, purposely placed on a checked dress.

This has inspired me to start a fun new irregular feature ‘girl with a pin’ (lyric reference warning: if you fall in love with me I will burst your bubble), so I will be sharing some of my badge, pin and brooch collection.

I got these amazing ‘BUT IS IT ART?’ badges for Christmas. They are genius. If you need some, I recommend a day trip to Whitstable to visit Frank on Harbour Street, they have a small, but finely curated selection of badges, as well as lots of lovely art. 

More badges soon, but for now I’ll button up.

But is it art badges 

Why I choose not to curate my Instagram posts (but kinda do)

Cassy Fry instagram feed

Instagram is my favourite social media app (well, I go back and forth between IG and Twitter). I love it because you can engage with an image in an instant and it connects me with interesting people all over the world.  

There seems to be two main schools of thought about Instagram in my blogging circles.

The first is that you curate a feed that is consistent, focused, relevant and usually beautiful. You know those themed Instagram accounts, where everything is perfectly coordinated in shades of pastel perfection, or where each image is a smaller part of a larger pattern that is purposefully put together on the profile page, or that is exclusively art or writing or beautiful people. These kind of Instagrammers usually have a lot more followers than me, and I understand why because I love them! If you have a clear message, style, brand or a specific audience, this probably is the way to go. 

The second approach uses Instagram as a visual journal and content can vary depending on is going on in terms of adventures, moods, creativity and life in general. These accounts are generally more personal, so the themes depend on the individual and are more likely to capture moments and emotion rather than designed compositions. This suits a lot of us lifestyle and creative bloggers, who get up to all sorts and are always experimenting. 

In case you hadn’t already guessed, I go for the second! My Instagram posts vary both in quality and content. I post lots of selfies, cat pictures, poems, random pretty kitsch things. I use my iphone to take all my photographs and rely on natural lighting. With my chaotic approach, I have managed to accrue (at the time of writing) 1205 followers – not too shabby – and I get a decent amount of interaction. That last bit is actual what I am most interested in. 

Cassy Fry random instagram screenshot

Still I think if I gave it more thought and careful curation, I could probably increase my following. However I am resisting! Uncertain if this is a deliberate decision or a lazy act of self sabotage, I’ve been giving some thought as to why I ‘gram the way I do (I know, overthink much?!) 

Because I cannot decide on one thing…

In theory I could make different accounts, I could have one for my personal stuff, one for my creative writing, one for blog stuff, one for my cat… but then I also need to have enough posts to populate them all.

Because I don’t want to maintain multiple accounts…

It seems like a lot of work and as I am a one woman show, it’d take me away from writing, creating stuff and earning money. Followers can, but do not necessarily, mean increased earnings, so I’m not sure of the pay-off besides popularity (and let’s face it Eddie Cat would end up with more followers and my ego cannot handle that!).  

Because I am testing my boundaries and my work…

I like to post work in progress, join in with writing community prompts and challenges, and see what works for me. I don’t use Instagram as a portfolio, but as an equivalent to a creative scrapbook or sketchbook. 

Because I am being social (it isn’t just about selling stuff)… 

I also use my account for fun like the non-bloggy people. I want to be able to share cool stuff, random amusing screenshots, competitions, or a really weird bathroom I’ve just come across. But my work is a huge part of my life and without it, I’d just be posting selfies with comments about how I like my hair, or I am trying to love my face even though it is doing weird things… 

Because I am asking my readers to support me…

So much of my work is related to me, I feel I need to be connected with it. When you crowdfund for your work, or use Patreon as an artist, you are asking people to invest in you as a person too. I think it helps if I am sharing a bit more of me than a traditional writer might. 

Because you secretly love it!…

Surely you love seeing the whole glorious mess that is my small, yet somehow interesting life. Or maybe you just really like my cat… that happens a lot.

Cassy Fry instagram screenshot

Of course, what I post is somewhat curated.

It would be easy to generalise that personalised accounts are more authentic (which seems to be increasingly important for bloggers), but beautifully curated accounts can have authenticity too. Being authentic isn’t about sharing everything! It is about sharing the real stuff.

I don’t just randomly snap away at anything and everything. Mostly I like to be present and savour the full sensory experience, rather than view my life through my phone camera, but I also like to share my experiences. I happily take myself off to do things alone, because I have learnt it is better to share your time with people who really want to be there with you. On social media you can create your own bubble of people who are interested in the same things as you, which is kind of wonderful for us introverted lone wolf types.  

Similarly, not having a theme doesn’t mean I ignore quality and relevance! I do put some thought into the composition of each shot and why I am sharing it. I try to make my photos look good, not having an overall theme is no excuse for shoddy work! That said, if I get a blurry cat pic which is still hilarious and I know will make people happy, I don’t have to worry about it upsetting the look of my profile page! I do select and edit though, so I do have a minimally curated approach, after all even being a bit random is still a deliberate decision. 

I guess the real lesson from this post is that us bloggers, regardless of our insta-approaches, put a lot of effort into thinking about we promote ourselves and our work a whole lot! 

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